small towns and dreamers…

let me start by saying, i LOVE my town. i love that it’s a college town, i love that it makes me feel young, don’t always particularly love the feeling that comes the day after i’ve ACTED the age i feel… =)… but i do love my town. i love that i know where all the stuff in the grocery store is. i love that i know all the back roads. i love when new people move to town and i can tell them the best place to get bbq (little dooey), the best place to shop (the sundial), the best place to go for a nice dinner out (tie between tyler in starkville and anthony’s in west point), the best place to do happy hour on a gorgeous day (the bin), the best place to watch the game if it’s out of town (cowbell’s) and the BEST PLACE to just hang out with your friends, get the world’s best pizza, and hear the best live music in town (DAVE’S DARKHORSE TAVERN!!!)…

and then a song lyric comes to mind like a little splinter on the bottom of my foot…as in, i notice it’s there, but it’s not killing me, but i can’t quite find the source well enough to pull the little bugger out…

“she couldn’t help but thinking that there was a little more to life, somewhere else…” (tom petty and the heartbreakers, american girl)

i’ve got friends who live in a bigger city, a fun city, a city i’ve always loved to visit, and i’ve always wondered what it would be like to live there…

but then, the fear sets in, the moment i even let the thought drift across my brain… what if i hated it? what if i got lost all the time? what if i had to deal with traffic? what if i didn’t know where to find ANYTHING in the grocery store? what if all of my friends there were glad to see me from time to time but their lives went on as normal and i just sat in an apartment by myself missing my town, and my friends here, and getting to do theatre, and knowing that the waitress already knows what i want the second i walk in the door and i can just go to the patio and she’ll meet me there in about a minute and a half? (yeah, i’d DEFINITELY miss the tavern…)

so i have this great big “what if” that hangs over my head, and friends that tell me i’ve stayed too long here, and sometimes i wonder myself if i have…

but then, i think, this is crazy… i have a great life here, and a great job, and great friends, and i HATE traffic (i get road rage on MAIN STREET)…the only thing missing is…well, we’ll just leave it at there’s only one thing missing, and i’m not even completely convinced i’m actually actively MISSING it, maybe i just think i’m supposed to miss it, so i do???? wow, off on a tangent here, sorry, my thoughts are a little maze like these days, i’ll try to get back on track…

i guess it’s the not knowing that’s killing me… as in, if you could literally SEE the road not traveled and find out what the difference actually is… would there really even be one? or is our life just our life no matter where we live it? if i don’t have what i don’t have now just because it was never in the cards to begin with, then there is no difference, with the exception of me having to search high and low to find naked juice…(it’s a beverage people, and a really good one, you should try it if you haven’t…) =)

but if every action really does cause a reaction, then would my life be the same if i were somewhere else? would there be a little more to life there? and would it be a little more joy or a little more pain? i actually really like the life i have already, so would that one thing be worth the gamble? or is it possible that “one thing” (a husband, family, house and picket fence, etc. etc….which i’m not even sure i’d be good at, but it’s got to mean something that i’m starting to wonder), that “one thing” is ALREADY here, suspended in orbit, and i’m just too busy being existential on wordpress and doing quizzes on facebook to notice? or maybe it’s just not in the cards and i’m wasting time and tempting fate by questioning it?

and for all of you who have actually made it thus far through this rant, i’ll just say that at this moment i’m annoying MYSELF, so feel free to be annoyed with me as well… =)

which brings me back to the rom-com experiment… i will say that it DEFINITELY makes things more interesting to literally NOT tell a SINGLE white lie about yourself… AND it’s extremely relieving just to put it all on the table from the word go. it forces me to feel incredibly self-conscious and vulnerable to criticism or rejection at times, but then it also takes the fear away that that moment will eventually come, when the veil drops, so does the other shoe… at least that’s the way i’ve always lived it…

so i’m adding a new rule to the rom-com experiment… i’m going to work on being nicer. stop laughing. if there’s one thing i’ve been told time and again in my life it’s that i come across as aloof, unapproachable, and i will admit that i do it on purpose at times… but i’m going to be nicer. smile more. welcome new and different conversations, with anybody, friend or stranger, and not just when it comes to the experiment (since that just refers to men), but in life in general. introduce myself more, open the circle, LISTEN, go new places, try things that scare me (with the exception of hard drugs, obviously…) =)

wow…if i’d known writing this stupid blog would make me feel so much better, i could have saved a LOT of money….

so for those of you who know me and live where i live, the next time you see me, i should be smiling… and in an honest way. =)

honey, when did we get a dog…?: a cautionary tale =)

so, among my MANY MANY pet peeves is people who treat their pets badly… you know the whole “oh i want a puppy, isn’t it cute, wait now it’s grown up and i never trained it so it’s eating my shoes and pooping inside, so out you go, dog” syndrome…which, unfortunately, runs rampant in college towns such as my own…

so here’s a fun story… =)

i have a friend, who, because of any laws he may or may not have broken shall remain nameless…we’ll just call him “dog saver”… who was walking home one night from a bar. he was somewhat intoxicated, thus the walking (good choice, dog saver!) and came upon a dog tied up to a tree with a rope in the front yard of a house.

now keep in mind, there were several houses in a row and since dog saver was a little blurry, in retrospect he cannot be SURE if there was any chance that the tree was not in between two houses, as opposed to clearly in front of ONE, but i digress…

dog saver proceeds to approach the dog to check and see if it was okay, and well, decides to lay down in the grass and “chat” with the dog for a bit.

after a while, dog saver decides that this treatment is unjust, and thus, unties the dog, walks up to the door of the house, finds it unlocked, and opens the door and puts the dog back in the house. and then continues on his merry way home again.

now you have to ask yourself…how long do you think those people have wondered and debated on how the dog got back in the house? assuming the dog was placed in the CORRECT house (and for the purposes of this story we are going to assume that to be true) i certainly hope there was enough mystery involved to make them think twice about ever tying that dog to a tree with a crappy piece of rope again… =) =) =)

so for any of you out there who really aren’t SURE that you want a dog OR that last shot of tequila at 12:59am…. ask yourself, “what would dog saver do???” if he were here to answer for himself, i think he’d tell you to let the dog go to a home that will REALLY LOVE IT, and he’ll be more than happy for that shot of tequila…and you’re buying. =)

somebody, please, buy me a globe and throw in some crayons for good measure…

so i’m having a major case of insomnia, but i thought i’d “out” myself first, since my darling friend kris has already threatened to do so…

it seems, when it comes to geography, i know NOTHING.

i actually made the mistake of asking a friend if new zealand was “north of here”… his response to me, and i quote was, “are you shitting me?”, and sadly enough, at the time, i wasn’t.

now, outside of giving everyone a good laugh, i think my point is this…how in the hell did i graduate highschool or college for that matter without retaining that knowledge? i always knew algebra was never going to be missed in my lifetime for any reason, but making yourself sound like a totally brainless twit who knows nothing outside of my own borders was NOT on my to-do list for the day…

which got me thinking about borders in general… i jump from subject to subject like a gymnast as i’m sure you all know by now, so just play along…

what are my borders? how do i define them? should i define them? when i was a child i liked to think of myself as a creative little genius, but i distinctly remember getting quite unnerved if i colored outside the lines….it wasn’t perfect. it didn’t look “pretty”. it broke the “rules”. i wanted to not only fit in, i wanted to be the BEST. so doesn’t being the best mean you follow the rules, and do it better than anybody else??? i lived my entire life, for the most part, with this thought in the back of my head….

and then, somewhere along the way, the lines started blurring. i had let it build up for too long, all this rule following and attempting perfection that could never be reached, and even if i had, would it have ever been enough? no, i don’t think it would have.

because no amount of staying inside the box will ever undo the mistakes you’ve already made, and those were almost always caused by this endless quest to please people and be a good girl and do the right thing, the socially acceptable thing, the thank you notes and the crossing your ankles instead of your legs, no elbows on the table, no foul language, new dresses every sunday for easter, don’t air the dirty laundry… the list goes on and on….

and we’re just children when we learn this… please don’t misunderstand, i do not mean to undermine the importance of good manners….but why don’t we let children paint on their walls?? the walls are already there, they’re not going anywhere, we might as well let them have some say in how they look if they’re going to be confined there. and obviously, i’m speaking metaphorically much more than literally, i just wish… i don’t know… that maybe i’d been okay as a child with the idea of coloring outside the lines??? because now i’m an adult, and i pay for the walls, i’ll color them however i damn well please, thank you very much, but it just seems like it would have been a lot more fun at the age of six.

but whatever. age is a number and i intend to buy a box of crayons, tear the label off every one of them, break them all into pieces, and just start scribbling willy nilly all over the walls in my life and see what happens next…

it might just look like crap. or it could be the beginning of my greatest masterpiece….and i’m not six anymore, but now that i really think about it, it sure does sound like fun. =)

boys, boys, boys…

…seriously. do ANY of you EVER grow up???

(albeit the better question might be, would i find you adorable if you did???)

obviously, all names will be omitted. but here’s a letter to the many boys in my life, past and present, perhaps a few that i’m leaving room for in the future…(and no, these are not in the least bit in chronological order, so don’t even try figuring it out…) =)

to whom it may concern…

to you, the one that set the bar so high you practically ruined me. you were fearless and romantic and you were completely on fire for me. i couldn’t wrap my head around it, i didn’t understand it, and i ran. you’ll never know how many times in my life i’ve regretted it.

to you, the sweetest boy that ever lived. i think i knew the moment i saw you i would do anything to win you and i would without a doubt screw it up in the end. but you taught me so much about how beautiful life could be through the eyes of a truly untarnished soul. you were ALWAYS going to be too good for me, and you are still the only one that never would have admitted or even thought that in a million years. i owe you for saving my soul. you have exactly the life i wished for you. just goes to show nice guys don’t always finish last. sometimes they get everything they deserve.

to you, the only person i’ve ever thought i was completely mentally connected to. i swear there were times you knew what i was thinking before i did. and lord knows my brain is not an easy place to navigate. you never once made me feel like anything less than an equal. i look at you now and wonder how on earth i earned the right to spend five seconds with you. i was not easy on you, you had to practically hit me over the head to get me to notice you in the first place. and once i did i was such a goner. it wasn’t meant to be…and we always agreed that if it was meant to be it would happen. i fell in love with something else and it came between us. i don’t regret that decision, but i never stopped wondering “what if???”

to you, the one that took me completely by surprise. you were never my type. you weren’t within a hundred miles of my type. but you taught me some very important lessons about how peaceful life could be if you just slowed down. just stood on a piece of land and thought about where a house could be built…what it would look like…it was a conversation that was a promise that never came to pass. you broke my heart on that one. you broke a lot of hearts on that one. just goes to show how one decision can change your life. one bad decision. but it also taught me that everything happens for a reason. and wherever you are, i hope you found what you were looking for.

to you, the boy that doesn’t even know my name but looks at me regularly like you do, like you know a lot about me, like there is already an unspoken thing between us. i know what you’re thinking. it’s an amusing thought, but you’re going to have to try a hell of a lot harder than what i’ve seen so far for me to even get around to actually telling you my name. you’re adorable, but i’m not a brainless intoxicated twit. let me be the first to teach you, doll, you’re going to have to work for the ones that are worth getting. you’re just a child. you’ll figure it out eventually. i think. =)

to you, the one that always drank whiskey. i still can’t stand whiskey, but everytime i smell it it takes me back to another place in time when i was so young and so naive, and you were probably the most respectful boy i’ve ever known. you are the ultimate gentleman. you have become a great man. and although i hate the taste of whiskey, the smell always makes me smile.

to you, the one that used to sneak me out of my house and we’d go driving and not even have to talk. we’d listen to music and put the car in park on train tracks and you’d give me a shit-eating grin, and i’d be scared out of my mind but too excited to care. even then we knew better than to be anything more than friends. but looking back, i kind of wished you’d actually gone through with it the one time you threatened to kiss me and i got out and started walking. we laughed it off eventually, you said you were kidding, just seeing what i would say or do, but i knew you weren’t. you knew i knew it. damn, i should have kissed you first and just gotten it over with. if we could have bottled the tension inside your car on those crazy summer nights driving back roads and listening to “enjoy the silence” we could have solved the energy crisis.

to you, the one that broke me. you are not forgiven. you never will be.

to you, the one that lit up the entire world. you were my friend. you stole me a chef hat at a dance and you made me laugh so hard i cried. you left us too soon. you’re seared into my memory. i will never forget you.

to you, the one that didn’t get it. to you, the one that never will. to you, the one that got it but it didn’t matter because i was too screwed up to care. to you, the one that convinced me i had to love myself before i could be any good to anybody else. to you, the one that never asked me out and then made me feel like it was somehow my fault that you didn’t. to you, the one that doesn’t give a crap about me until you see me with another guy. to you, my dear sweet friend, if only you liked girls we’d live happily ever after. actually, that’s probably not true, we’re too alike, but we could still have some brilliant kids. not the old fashioned way, obviously. =) to you, the one that doesn’t know how happy we could have been if you had gotten your head out of your ass long enough to notice. you didn’t deserve me the first time, there won’t be a second. to you, the one who’s heart i broke. i’ll never forgive myself for that. but i never lied. i told you in the beginning i would. to you, the one that’s still trying to figure me out. everytime you think you’re close you get farther and farther away. to you, the one that pretends to be my friend but looks at me in a way that friends don’t look at their friends. are you gonna bark all day little doggy or are you gonna bite??? =) to you, the one that always thought that you’d hurt me if you told me the truth. to borrow the lyrics of a barenaked ladies song…”you arrogant man/what do you think that i am/my heart will be fine/just stop WASTING MY TIME.” to you, and there are a few of you, that are way too young for me, but good god, if i had the confidence and self awareness in my twenties that i have now you’d all be in TROUBLE. =)

and to you, the one i haven’t met yet…
“what matters most is
how well you
walk through the
fire.” – Charles Bukowski

if/when i do finally meet you, i hope you’re ready. there will definitely be some fire to walk through…i am a complicated girl. but i’m worth it.

and a little more on theatre…

i have to be totally honest. i know that i write most of this just to get it out of my head. for the few of you who actually read it, i say to you: thank you for giving a crap what my thoughts are on any given day. but this has become a journal of sorts for me… and therefore, i will continue to write.

so i found out tonight i got cast in a play. i feel the need to point out that i don’t often go out for auditions; sometimes because i know how bad the timing is in my life to dedicate myself to the task at hand, which i take very seriously.

having said that, every once in a while a role comes along that i just feel in my bones belongs to me before i even audition. it sounds insane, and extremely egotistical to assume such, but everytime in my life i have felt that THING in my bones i have gotten the part. maybe i’m lucky. maybe i have a misguided sense of ownership. i just know that there are parts that i have wanted so bad i go into the audition with the talons out…teeth baring…as if my life depended on my HAVING that particular role. sometimes they have been intense and dramatic, and sometimes they have been silly and fantastical, but i have always known when a part just was meant to belong to me. and such is meg…

for those of you who have not read “Leading Ladies” by Ken Ludwig, it is not a piece of theatre that will change anyone’s life, but as i sat at old venice in starkville, reading the end of the script right before i went to auditions, i found myself laughing out loud, like a maniac. alone. in public. the bartender even looked at me like i had lost my mind, and i was on my first and only drink. but it just completely CRACKED ME UP. which led me to believe what i needed in my life more than anything right now was the following:

1. a reason to laugh. AND…
2. a reason to get back on the stage.

now it’s been two and a half years since my last production, and part of me is ALWAYS afraid i have lost the gift…to take the stage, to make people laugh, to do a great job, to understand the character and do it justice, to simply walk out there in the first place. it might surprise some of you to know i still get an insane amount of stage fright. i feel like puking right when the house lights go down and the stage lights come up, every time. but then, the magic happens….

the amazing thing about theatre, what drew me to it in the first place, was the idea that i could be SOMEBODY ELSE, ANYBODY ELSE. and THEY would not be nervous to talk to their future husband in their living room, or answer the phone, or get confused, or say the right thing at the wrong time, or the wrong thing at the right time… my point is, I get to disappear. into somebody else’s life, somebody else’s problems, or drama, or comedy, which is OFTEN way more well scripted than my own…and it is SUCH a release to do so. and with feedback. that instant gratification of a laugh, or a gasp, or spontaneous applause…

does anyone else know exactly how heavy stage lights feel on your eyelashes??? i do. and it intoxicates me so much better than any chemical or relationship ever could… thus far. =)

i do often leave you, my first love, because i get tangled up in life, and friends, and obligations, and work, and distractions….but you and i are ripe for a comeback.

i hope you’re all ready. i’m going to bring it. step up to the plate, boys. i’m throwing a no-hitter. hide and watch, if you doubt me. just hide and watch.

a little chat about love…

there are several things to address on this subject, and i will try to make as much sense as i can.

1. love is the gift that keeps on giving…

i have a friend. someone i have known for a long time. and here comes the boomerang effect again… just when you least expect it, somebody will show back up in your life at the exact time you need to hear from them most. it’s so out of the blue that you can’t possibly have planned it. but it happens. sometimes loving a person when you’re really young will pay off for you YEARS later when you’ve loved and lost what seems like a million guys since then (including the guy that just showed up again. and to be clear, ABSOLUTELY CLEAR, he showed up in the BEST way possible…as a really amazing and true FRIEND.) and i guess the point i’m trying to make is that if any of you out there have the truly endearing gift of a friendship that never goes away, no matter what, then you will always believe that EVERY love, no matter how it ends or begins, no matter what pain it may cause you at the time, it has a PURPOSE. and one day, no matter what you may think now (if you happen to be going through a painful breakup of your own), that ONE DAY, that guy might just make your world a better place to exist in. and you will indeed, be so very happy, to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

2. love at first sight….

still not sure i believe in it. after all, i’ve thought i loved a lot of people until the blinders came off. but i was watching crappy reality television tonight, and the thought occurred to me that when i was younger i totally believed in love at first sight…and, well, now, not so much. in fact it kind of makes me laugh and feel sorry for people that still believe in it. now, have i just gotten jaded as i’ve gotten older, or have i gotten wiser??? feel free to weigh in with your own opinions…

3. the love that counts…

the love that counts is the one you give yourself. trust yourself. believe in yourself. take that risk. you’ll catch yourself if you fall (and if you don’t you no doubt have friends that will….which is another way to love yourself…surround yourself with good friends that want you to be happy and succeed!!!) but most of all, if you have to be selfish a little, be selfish. say no to going out if you’re not in the mood. sleep in, even if it means that one of a million things on your “to-do” list doesn’t get done today. go see that movie that nobody else will agree to go see with you… i promise, you’ll be happier than you realize when you find that nobody is whispering silly questions in your ear the whole time! let your boss down if you have to, if it means saving that tiny bit of sanity you have left at the end of the day. take a bubble bath. let your kids eat take-out or microwavable mac and cheese. read that book that’s been sitting on your night stand. splurge for a pedicure or a massage or even a babysitter…yes, we’re in a recession, but let’s not forget that if we are not happy, the people around us are not happy, and that DEFINITELY includes wives/husbands and children, for my domesticated friends out there!!!

and for me…i’m seeing one of my first real romances again…not sure where it’s going yet, we just had our first “date” tonight, but i have a feeling i’ll be hearing something back tomorrow. wish me luck! (and to all those who haven’t caught on yet, i auditioned for my first play in over two years tonight…i think it went well…but then again, i’d hate to fall in love at first sight and find out that there’s another ketchup situation on my hands!!!)

as always, i’ll keep you updated… =)

sleep well, sweet prince. =) (just a little paraphrased shakespeare to tie things up with…)

The Roaring Girl and the boomerang effect…

at the end of this blog is an excellent excerpt of literature that was NOT written by me…but first, i’ll share how it came back into my life at precisely the right moment, as all the best things do.

i moved recently. and by recently i mean the beginning of june. i like to say “recently” because of all the things i still have lying around in boxes. or the fact that a friend of my roommate came over last night and immediately pointed out that i had “a library” pretty much just sitting in piles in what is supposed to be a small hallway leading to my room. i think i mumbled something about “needing bookshelves” and then sheepishly noticed that i have two completely empty sets in eyesight…

at least part of the reason i leave things lying about the way i do is because everytime i move i have this obsession with going through all of my “old boxes”, which is what i call the countless rubbermaid containers which encase all of my memories….old pictures, scrapbooks, annuals, “love letters” and momentos (any exes of mine going back to the seventh grade…you’ve been warned!)… and then there’s just the occasional surprise. for instance, i have often found going through these boxes that i once considered myself quite the poet. it turns out, upon further consideration with each passing year, i was WRONG. =) i never kept any of these poems together, mind you, they are always some gem that i come across in an old notebook, or just a random, sometimes TINY piece of paper that i somehow held onto because of whatever GREAT SIGNIFICANCE it held to me at the time. the truly sad and hilarious thing about these poems is that almost all of them seem to involve a boy, and i can NEVER tell from reading them who in the hell i wrote this particular piece of literary genius about!!! which just goes to show, i seem to not have been as great of a girlfriend as my previous blog stated…or else i was an excellent girlfriend who just wrote crappy poetry and has a terrible memory. it really could go either way…

today i was “cleaning” (i.e. started dishes and ended up going through another box and thus ended up here on the computer with you fine folks…i’ll get to the dishes eventually…) and found this new and exciting gem (DON’T WORRY, I DIDN’T WRITE IT!!!). it’s a monologue i did in college, back in my theatre days, and i had completely forgotten about it (further proof of my crappy memory), but as soon as i read it i got such a thrill…i used to LOOOOOOVE performing this piece! and i’m sure, by now, you will all understand why….(p.s. it has probably been modified, or “cut” from the original version, since auditions always carried time constraints…)

The Roaring Girl
by Thomas Dekker and Thomas Middleton
Act III, Scene I

“What durst move you, sir, to
think me whorish? In thee
I defy all men, their worst
hates and their best flatteries,
all their golden witchcrafts,
with which they entangle the
poor spirits of fools, distressed
needlewomen and trade-fallen
wives. Fish that must needs
bite or themselves be bitten.
Such hungry things as these
may soon be took with a worm
fastened on a golden hook.
Am I thought meat for you,
that never yet had angling rod
cast towards me?
I scorn to prostitute myself to
a man, I that can prostitute
a man to me!
And so, i greet thee.”

did i find this particular gem on this particular day for a reason? time will tell…but i am a big believer in the boomerang effect, which i define as such: one can toss something (or someone) away without even knowing it, or throw it with all their might, purposefully and with passion, hoping that it will disappear from their hearts, minds, memories (in some cases from the planet itself, trust me, i have thrown that hard before), but there are simply some things that will ALWAYS come back…it could be something good, something seemingly insignificant or forgotten, or something that will try over and over again to rip you in half with the force of it’s shattering and unnannounced return, but it is inevitable that SOME things (or people) will always, ALWAYS come back. which can be both reassuring and terrifying, depending upon what stays in one’s orbit. little did i know that The Roaring Girl was still in mine, but i think it’s a good thing. =)

a little “rom-com” experiment…

so, i have now officially let myself be lured into the world of blogging…i wish i could explain it, but perhaps i’ve already repressed my reasoning in the time it took for me to find a password that wordpress deemed “strong enough”. which would be funny if it wasn’t a little sad…

for my first blog i thought i’d muse a little on the subject of men and women. i saw a “rom-com” today (is anyone else disturbed by this insane new trend to shorten everything to a laughable nickname??? the national geographic channel is now “nat geo”, the science fiction channel went from being “sci-fi” to the even less explicable “syfy”, and now we can’t even use the words “romantic comedy” anymore??? but i digress…)

so this particular movie got me thinking about whether or not men and women actually fall in love anymore…whether someone is straight, gay, bi, or simply “asexual” (as i’ve found some people actually are), do we fall in love with the traits that that other person posesses, or do we fall in love with the way they make us feel?

for instance, have you ever found yourself in a relationship and after months realized that you have no idea what color their eyes are? what their favorite book is? how they like their eggs? is it important to know these things at all? or do you love this person because they make you feel safe? loved? confident? satisfied? perhaps just simply comfortable? other than alone?

and how often do you find yourself pretending to be into something because this object of your desire is into the same thing? i cannot begin to tell you the amount of things i have COMPLETELY LIED about enjoying and/or caring about, simply to create a stronger bond with someone? why do we do these things? to have a better chance with someone? to get a foot in the door? and what happens when you have to finally admit that you don’t actually like kung fu movies or japanese animation?

of course, this is coming from a woman who actually ended a relationship once because of our inability to agree on where the ketchup should be placed in the refridgerator, so obviously the curtain of pretense does indeed come crashing down at some point…

i have also been inolved with men that i felt completely positive KNEW NOTHING OF SUBSTANCE ABOUT ME. but it just so happens i’m practically a professional girlfriend (that sounds bad…i don’t mean i get PAID or anything!) i’ve just become way too good at knowing exactly what “type” a guy is looking for and i am pretty damn good at becoming it…all the while, thinking in the back of my mind that they will dig a little deeper, look a little closer, at least question whether or not this person they are dating is pretending. but then, i am to blame for pretending in the first place, i suppose.

my eyes are blue. i have too many favorite books to count. i like my eggs scrambled with cheese. i don’t like kung fu movies OR japanese animation. and the KETCHUP GOES IN THE DOOR in that big open space next to all the other condiments where you retrieved it from sometime earlier in the day.

perhaps this is the beginning of a wonderful experiment… what will happen if i do not allow myself to tell a single lie to a single man for an entire year? anybody want to join in and compare notes?

it’s not like i could possibly make a bigger mess of my love life. it’s a scary thought, but brutal truth might be just what the doctor ordered. at the very least it should be entertaining…

i’ll keep you updated. =)